HOW COLD IS IT?

• +50 / +10
  • New York tenants turn on the heat
  • Wisconsinites plant gardens
• +40 / +4
  • Californians shiver uncontrollably
  • Wisconsinites sunbathe
• +35 / +2
  • Italian cars don't start
• +32 / 0
  • Distilled water freezes
• +30 / -1
  • You can see your breath
  • You plan a vacation in Florida
  • Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
  • Wisconsinites eat ice cream
• +25 / -4
  • Boston water freezes
  • Californians weep pitiably
  • Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
• +20 / -7
  • Cleveland water freezes
  • San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
  • Green Bay Packers fans put on T-shirts
• +15 / -10
  • You plan a vacation in Acapulco
  • Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
  • Wisconsinites go swimming
• +10 / -12
  • Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
  • Too cold to snow
  • You need jumper cables to get the car going
• 0 / -18
  • New York landlords turn on the heat
  • Sheboygan brats grilled on the patio, yum!
• -5 / -21
  • You can hear your breath
  • You plan a vacation in Hawaii
• -10 / -23
  • American cars don't start
  • Too cold to skate
• -15 / -26
  • You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
  • Miamians cease to exist
  • Wisconsinites lick flagpoles
• -20 / -29
  • Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
  • Politicians actually do something about the homeless
  • People in LaCrosse think about taking down screens
• -25 / -32
  • Too cold to kiss
  • You need jumper cables to get the driver going
  • Japanese cars don't start
  • Milwaukee Brewers head for spring training
• -30 / -34
  • You plan a two-week hot bath
  • Pilsener freezes
  • Bock beer production begins
  • Wisconsinites shovel snow off roof
• -38 / -39
  • Mercury freezes
  • Too cold to think
  • Wisconsinites button top button
• -40 / -40
  • Californians disappear
  • Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
  • Wisconsinites put on sweaters
• -50 / -46
  • Congressional hot air freezes
  • Alaskans close the bathroom window
  • Green Bay Packers practice indoors
• -60 / -51
  • Walruses abandon Aleutians
  • Sign on Mount St. Helens: "Closed for the Season"
  • Wisconsinites put gloves away, take out mittens
  • Boy Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
• -70 / -57
  • Glaciers in Central Park
  • Hudson residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
  • Green Bay snowmobilers organize trans-lake race to Sault Ste. Marie
• -80 / -62
  • Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
  • Rhinelander Birkebeiner
  • Girl Scouts in Eau Claire start Klondike Derby
• -90 / -68
  • Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro
  • Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
  • Minnesotans migrate to Wisconsin thinking it MUST be warmer
• -100 / -73
  • Santa Claus abandons North Pole
  • Wisconsinites pull down earflaps
• -173 / -114
  • Ethyl alcohol freezes
  • Only Door County cherries usable in brandy Manhattans
• -297 / -183
  • Oxygen precipitates out of atmosphere
  • Microbial life survives only on dairy products
• -445 / -265
  • Superconductivity
• -452 / -269
  • Helium becomes a liquid
• -454 / -270
  • Hell freezes over
• -456 / -271
  • Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
• -458 / -272
  • Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
• -460 / -273 (Absolute Zero)
  • All atomic motion ceases
  • Wisconsinites allow as to how it's getting a mite nippy

Dr. Michael Juda
Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics
60 Garden Street, Mail Stop 70
Cambridge, MA 02138, USA
Ph.: (617) 495-7062
Fax: (617) 495-7356
E-mail: mjuda@cfa.harvard.edu