AXAF Calibration Song
The AXAF Calibration Song
(Sung to "I'm a Lumberjack")
I'm a scientist and I'm OK,
I think all night and I drink all day.
AXAF is a telescope that looks at blown-up stars.
If I'm not in my office, check out the local bars.
I do math tricks on envelopes, I integrate by parts.
I never meet my deadlines, and scoff at schedule charts.
My field is astrophysics, I like to look at lines.
I know my ales and lagers, five hundred different kinds.
I wear white socks, old faded jeans; my kids have Star Trek names.
Apart from social drinking, I like computer games.
AXAF's on the Shuttle, launch number ninety-three.
And when it is in orbit, the drinks are all on me.
My ego is enormous, I like to think I'm bright.
I wear a wild hairdo, that others view with fright.
At Synchrotron Brookhaven, we mostly measure mirrors,
And when we're not on duty, we sample bottled beers.
I love to write procedures, I do it every day.
I'm often quite sarcastic, and guzzle chardonnay.
Our "8-hour days" are nothing but optimistic lies.
It's for the good of Science. Beware of OSHA spies!
On weeklong runs at BESSY, we barely even snooze.
We'd have more fun in Berlin, if there were time for booze.
Our CCDs are splendid, our MCPs first-rate!
I'm sure they'll work as hoped for, though just a little late.
My body runs on coffee, my brain on alcohol.
If it were not for liquids, I'd never eat at all.
The HSI takes pictures, the FPC has gas.
The SSD counts photons, as we sit on our ass.
We toil on the night shift, when Guide Tube crickets peep.
We drink our beer for breakfast, and then fall fast asleep.
We've got a line of clothing, with AXAF on it all,
And when we're done with this job, we'll all work in the mall.
To foil would-be hackers, they cut our network link.
Life's hard without my Netscape---I need another drink!
When using liquid nitro', it's fun to make things freeze,
And best among its uses is making daiquiris.
The HRMA is an optic with four reflective shells.
We toast its near perfection with quarts of muscatels.
Those precious Kodak moments would often make us cringe,
But grating tests were finished without a frozen hinge.
In XSS/600 there's rarely much to do.
We keep ourselves alert by taste-testing homemade brew.
We humor Test Conductors with lots of 'gots' and 'dids',
And when the stress gets too much, we kill some errant PIDs.
Our task is calibration, we'll get the job done right!
And when it's fin'ly over, we'll sing with all our might---oh,....